FOUND: A lot. So much. So many things.
FINDER: Yes
LOCATION: I cannot.
DATE: Twice a week at least
DESCRIPTION: OMG you know what? I really and simply cannot. I signed up for this gig for the health insurance and the pension. But you assholes have me chasing a cat all over town for the owner of (counts one two three for what the...) SEVEN stuffed animals that have shown up at the door. We put posters up all over town and no one called. Nada. Negatory. There's some kid crying in this neighborhood and we can't find them and did I mention this is not what I signed up for? If I wanted to track down screaming children I would have accepted the offer from the Daycare Diaper Bureau.
And now there's this other thing dropped on the kitchen counter I can't even mention because it's tippy top secret, and yesterday it was the bird. An actual bird. I was just starting to like animals and now please-and-thank-you, I'd like to kill one.
ORIGIN: The center of the goddamn sun, frankly. It's hot. After 11am, the temps go full toaster-oven-interior, but a really good and new one with knobs that aren't made by Fisher-Price and actually jack it up...and they stay that way until 7pm...and yeah we have AC (because...OSHA) but if we turn it on we have to close the windows and keep the cats indoors which makes me feel like a prisoner and makes the cats knock shit off all the counters.
CIRCUMSTANCE: Still hot.
OUTCOME: A little delirium.
EVIDENCE: I smell. The cat box smells. The things they bring back smell. This house has moved to the center of a live volcano but otherwise we're fine.
